I Asked The Lord

I've been listening to the version of John Newton's hymn 'I Asked The Lord', by Emily Deloach on an Indelible Grace album I bought. Indelible Grace (http://www.igracemusic.com/, it doesn't mean you can't eat it, which is what I thought at first!) is a great project in the states, which puts old hymns to new music. I seriously recommend checking it out. Anyway, here are the words (read it slowly and carefully, you will be surprised..):


I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;

Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.


Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

This really hit home for me, in the way that God answered Newton's prayer for 'faith and grace', and to 'more of his salvation know'. God did it, not in a nice, sanitized, comfortable way, like we would like, in Newton's 'favored hour', but he did it by revealing to Newton the depths of his sin. He brought Newton low, and it freed him from 'self, and pride...That thou may'st find thy (joy) all in me'. 

Now this must have hurt Newton. A lot. It hurt me a lot. I never realised that my prayers for increased godliness, trust and dependence on Christ, and shedding of all the false gods in my heart would lead me through such dark paths, pain, anguish, and almost despair, from which you can't escape. But wonderfully, God is good and it results in a repentant and contrite heart, an increased knowledge of my own sin, and my need for the Cross, and a joy in nothing else, except in being justified before him by Jesus' works, and not my own.

So if God is putting you through a time like this, take heart! Romans 8:28 is true! (look it up for your homework :-)). God works for our good, no matter how painful it is, and what more good could there be than us loving and looking to him who can satisfy us more than any earthly pleasure, want or desire?